Operation: SEND
by SynapticFirefly
Summary: After one of his cadets accidentally sends an inappropriate email he never meant to send to Numbuh 362, Numbuh 60 is on a desperate mission to stop the email from being read with the help of resident 'hacker' Numbuh 2.


**now loading:**

**kids next door mission**

**operation: **

**S.E.N.D.**

**sappy**

**email**

** needs**

** deletion**

* * *

When he should have spent his time doing hand-to-hand combat drills with his newest cluster of cadets, he had to spend his day learning the ins and outs of Global Command's new email program. According to the notice, it _should_ be hack proof.

They said that_ last_ time too and look where that gotten them. Arctic Base was still in the midst of being de-cheesed!

Patton himself wasn't the most tech-savvy. Handling 2x4 technology was a breeze but the inner works of it like coding or the components were beyond his scope of knowledge. With a frown, he idly tapped around the program on his terminal, his brow furrowed with intense contemplation.

Stupid technology.

Still, the 'drafting' feature was pretty cool. He could start writing on something and it would instantly save until he wanted to go back over it.

That was when Rachel's email popped in his inbox.

_Numbuh 60, I hope you'll get the hang of the new program! Hopefully this won't be compromised like the last one. I know how much you hate new computer programs so don't hesitate to ask! We can have private training sessions if you want!_

_Numbuh 362_

Private training sessions? His insides turned to mush at the idea of them putting their heads together trying to figure out the email system. _Alone._

Well, not _physically_ putting their heads together. Just professional, of course. His mind wandered anyways and he found himself rereading the sentence over and over.

_We can have private training sessions if you want!_

The last time he had a private training session with her, she roundhouse kicked him in the face with such perfect form, it was practically love at first sight. Or kick. Whatever.

Idly tapping on the keys without actually hitting them, he was sorely tempted to take her up on that offer if only to spend some real private time with her once more. Pulling up the reply, he hesitated for a moment.

_Yes to private sessions!_ That sounded too eager. He deleted it.

He was a Grade A idiot, he decided, and decided to mess around with his answer instead to take the edge off. Patton Drilovsky wasn't a sap, but here he was dancing around trying to reply to a pretty girl like a cruddy teenage boy.

_'Sure we can have some private sessions,' _he typed out with a smirk,_ 'but I'd rather spend it kissing you silly than work on this stupid program.'_

Ha! Perfect! Not even Shakespeare could top it. Patton sat back in his seat and laughed himself stupid at his 'work of romantic poetry' until someone knocked on his door. He cleared his throat and sat back in attention. "Come in!"

Sonya opened the door and bounced into his office before shyly looking at her shoes. "Y-you ordered me in, Supreme Drill Sergeant, sir?"

"Sure did," he said with warm smile, which instantly settled the cadet's nerves. Sometimes they forgot that he'd probably end up being one of their fellow operatives one day and that he wasn't a complete monster shouting orders all the time. That was usually meant for training.

Reaching over across his desk for the filing cabinet, he frowned when the right file to give her was missing and then sighed. _Typical_. Those lazy hamsters were always unreliable when it came to sending files. "Stay right here, Sonya," he parted before leaving his office to yell at someone about it.

"Yes sir!" she squeaked, all too familiar with the frown her superior was sporting. The mail must not have arrived again. "KND's filing system really needs to be more organized! Like my room!" she told herself proudly.

In fact, she could probably help him out with a bit of filing herself! Beaming at her decision, she started stacking and filing folders alphabetically on his desk until she caught a glimpse of his computer screen.

"Oh! Numbuh 60 forgot to send his emails!" Happily humming the Rainbow Monkey theme song, she put a hand over her eyes to politely keep herself from reading her superior's emails and pressed the _send_ button.

She quickly returned to her spot on the floor when the door rattled and Patton walked back in with the paperwork.

"Those good-for-nothing bits of fur," he growled to himself and handed the folder to Sonya. "These are your current scores on the practice KND exam. Review what you got wrong and then give them to Numbuh 67 at the end of the day."

"Yes sir!" she saluted and trotted out of office just as Patton returned to his computer.

She happily mistook his loud horrified scream for gratitude.

* * *

He hauled his butt to Moonbase at record time, personally on a mission from Zero to find Rachel's terminal before her lunch break ended and delete the email before she caught wind of it.

Patton checked his watch while running down the hangar. ETA thirty minutes before alpha shift returned from lunch. Rachel was always on time with her breaks so any hope of extra time was immediately dashed.

"Out of the way!" he shouted down the giant throngs of operatives causing traffic up and down the ramp out of the root system. "KND business!"

Numbuh 2 ended up slammed against Numbuh 4 when Patton shoved him without looking back. "Tch!" Hoagie snorted to Wally and thumbed at Patton's direction. "This is _Moonbase_! Everything here is KND business!"

"Yeah!" Wally snorted and brushed himself off. "Who lit a firecracker up his-"

"BUT NOTHING!" Numbuh 86 stamped her foot before Patton actually _did_ barrel her over for a direct attack at Numbuh 362's throne. "That is Numbuh 362's private terminal with sooper secrets inside! I ain't lettin' no one check 'er emails! Not even for you, Numbuh 60!"

"You don't understand!" he said desperately. "I sent her the wrong email and I need it deleted before she opens it!"

Fanny smugly propped a hand on her hip. "Well... dat's just too bad, ain't it? If ye didn't want to send it, why did ye write it?"

He didn't have time for this. "You got_ cheese_ in your ears, Numbuh 86?! Just because you write something doesn't always mean you want to send it!" He kept his tongue about the contents quiet, especially now that Fanny seemed greatly interested in the email.

In the end, she just shrugged, her duties overriding her curiosity. "Well I guess you'll have ter clear it up with the Supreme Leadah after she comes back, yeh? I mean, it's not like it's a _love note_ or somethin'!"

A bunch of operatives on beta shift laughed along with her when she turned away and sat on the throne, barring him from the console propped on the arm.

Seething and humiliated, Patton stormed off until an idea hit him. Grinning in triumph, he made his way to the Moonbase Orbital Shipyards.

* * *

"You want me to do WHAT?!" Hoagie exclaimed.

"Keep it down Numbuh 2!" Patton slapped a hand over the pilot's mouth. "Can you hack into the emailing system in less than twenty minutes?"

Barreling back, he shook one of his wrenches at Patton. "Does it_ look_ like I'm qualified for that? I'm an engineer, not a computer hacker!"

"You had no trouble hacking into Numbuh Spare Change for a $20's tab system to clear out what you owed in chili dogs," Patton smiled evilly when Hoagie started to squirm at the memory. "Didn't think I forgot about that, did you?"

"Was kinda _hoping_ you did," Hoagie grumbled then tossed away the wrench which hit whoever was talking to Numbuh 13 on the head. "Okay, okay. But _only_ if you never mention the chili dog thing ever again!"

Patton made a zipping motion across his lips. "I'll take it to my decommissioning."

With a sigh, Hoagie opened up his custom-built 2x4 laptop and started pounding away at the keys. "Hookay! What am I hacking into?"

"Numbuh 362's email."

Hoagie jumped in alarm and popped an eyebrow. "The Supreme Leader's _email?! _This isn't illegal or nuthin is it because I've got a project recommendation waiting on the tubes the last couple of weeks…"

"Do this and I'll _personally_ put a recommendation on your file if you'd stop complaining!" Patton demanded and checked his watch again. "You've got fifteen minutes!"

"Puhleeease, I can hack this in five!" Hoagie boasted, cracked his knuckles, and made the program dance.

Patton rolled his eyes. So much for it being _unhackable_.

Hoagie's eyes gleamed. "Got it! OW! Hey! Easy on the merchandise!" he protested when Patton tried to grab at his laptop.

"Delete the email I sent!" he ordered, pointing at the reply as plain as day on her inbox. "That one!"

"Okay, okay!"

Patton watched with a wondrous light feeling in his gut as Hoagie wiped the reply from her inbox and slapped him heartily on the shoulder, which caused the younger boy to shout in pain. "Excellent work, Numbuh 2!"

"YEOW! Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, rubbing at his arm. Sometimes Patton forgot his own strength sometimes. Cruddy jarhead. "Hey… you wanted the email gone before Numbuh 362 read it, right?"

"Who cares? It's gone, it's over, it's done with!"

Hoagie opened his mouth, until his laptop began to whine in some sort of alarm. Then the rest of the Orbital Shipyard bathed itself in flickering red light. It too also howled in alarm. "Err… _oops_."

"Oops? What oops?!" Patton whirled around at the blinking red light, unlocking his weapon. "What happened?!"

"I must have tripped the alarm!" Hoagie panicked and gripped at his goggles. "Oh crud!"

"They're going to trace this thing!" Patton yelled and aimed his S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. at the laptop. That was when Hoagie jumped him and tried to wrestle the weapon away. "Are you mad?! We need to get rid of the evidence!"

"I spent two months working on this baby!" whined Hoagie. "You can't just destroy it!"

Fortunately for Hoagie, a team of operatives jumped from the rafters and surrounded them which stopped their fighting, but if you really racked up the priorities, it was _more_ unfortunate for them.

* * *

Patton had never been in the Moonbase's temporary brig before. That was a first.

Hoagie was grumbling in his seat about his laptop being confiscated, but hacking was a _kind_ of big offense, so Patton was more worried about losing his job because Hoagie couldn't be more lazy bypassing the alarm.

That, and he actively enforced the hacking. He wasn't in a very good state of mind now.

The only reinforced metal door slid open and Numbuh 362 walked into their cell, hands on her hips.

"I thought I'd never have to see the day where I have to visit two elite operatives in the brig... and it has _nothing_ to do with decommissioning!" Her mouth was a stern thin line. "Just what in Zero's name _compelled_ you morons to hack into our new email service?!"

"In our defense," Hoagie chuckled feebly, "it didn't exactly have the best firewall filtering..."

Patton closed his eyes and sighed. "I pulled rank on Numbuh 2, sir. Hacking the terminals was my idea."

"Oh I'll get to you in a moment, Numbuh 60," she responded coldly, causing him to flinch. "I expected better from the _Supreme Commander of Arctic Base_."

He hung his head in guilt.

The door slid open again for the security officer who handed Rachel a folder, saluted, then retreated with a loud clang.

Rachel opened up the file. "I ought to have the _both_ of you shipped off to Arctic Prison, but the techs informed me you did little else than delete an email, so the offense wasn't too bad," she looked up. "In addition, Numbuh 2's little computer worm managed the hack so easily, the techs upstairs were more than happy to call this a training exercise with the information they've gathered so far."

"Hoo yeah!" Hoagie snapped his fingers. "Think they can pull the wool over the great Numbuh 2 and his awesome hacking skills?!"

"Therefore," she interrupted with nasty smile. "I think your punishment should fit the crime well enough. Numbuh 2, since you've itched for access to more top-secret projects, I've kicked you upstairs to IT so you can overhaul the Moonbase's computer system."

Numbuh 2 crumpled. "WHAT?! Eww, I _hate_ coding! I wanted to work on the_ STARWRECK NX-Retrofit_!"

"Sorry Numbuh 2, but the project leader already has a full roster. But if your coding is any good the next month or so, I _might_ put you on the reserve list. Unless..." she raised an eyebrow. "...you'd rather I strip you of rank and send you to Arctic Prison instead?"

He flinched and shook his hands. "Heh, no-no! Coding? I _LOVE_ coding! I'll start anytime because I _loooove_ coding so much!"

"I thought so," she said smugly. "Numbuh 1 is here to pick you up, so you're free to leave. I expect he has a few words with you."

Gulping, Hoagie gave Patton a look of pity before exiting the cell.

"Now," she clicked her tongue, "what am I to do with _you_, Numbuh 60?"

He was going to lose everything over a stupid email sent by a stupid program. There was never more hate for technology harbored than Patton Drilovsky himself. He resisted the urge to get on his knees and beg her for forgiveness.

And really, he hated how _appealing_ the idea was. This wasn't exactly the time to admire how much control Rachel had over him. "Wherever you put me, I deserve it."

"Well I suppose that's more than I expected from others sent here," she teased and closed the file. "At any rate, we're chalking this up as a training exercise. Unless you were intentionally trying to hurt the KND in any way...?"

"Negatory!" he said, looking up. "I just wanted an unwanted email deleted. That's all! I'd rather be decommissioned now than betray you or this organization!"

With a secret smile, she waved his solid convictions off. "Relax, Patton. We kinda got that from the file, yeah. I forgot to tell Numbuh 2, but I suppose his sector leader will tell him. If you guys hadn't hacked the system and sounded the alert, we wouldn't have ordered a shutdown on Archives, which means we wouldn't have caught the Teen Ninja agents trying to smuggle operative files from there."

"What?" This was news to him.

"Yup. Lucky break for you I suppose," she said dryly. "So, we're putting this on your file as an authorized practice hack in 'gratitude'. I suppose your punishment will just be bad karma. With Numbuh 2 on the coding team, we'll have to overhaul and redesign a whole _new_ emailing system. That's right, big guy, _more_ program training on your end in the near future."

He tried his best not to groan at his 'luck'. "_Super_."

"Open the brig!" she ordered and the cell door opened completely for them. There was a mixture of confusion, humiliation, and relief when Patton saluted his Supreme Leader and started to make his way out.

"Oh, and one more thing," she added and grabbed the collar of his survival jacket. He nearly fell backwards trying to pass by her, "the practice sessions are still on the table if you didn't get my email."

Patton looked over his shoulder and tried his hardest not to give anything away by blushing. "Ah, yeah I got it, sir."

"Unless of course you'd rather just _kiss me silly_," she purred and, before Patton could sputter and deny anything, she pressed her lips against his.

He couldn't even comprehend what was going on before she stepped away and confidently strutted out of the cell where her guards were waiting.

Patton just stood there stupidly, mouth agape, because his mind literally short-circuited and needed an emergency reboot.

* * *

"Of all the stupid things you could have done, Numbuh 2!" Nigel complained while frog marching his best pilot out of the holding cells. "You could have compromised the entire Moonbase and left it open for an attack by... _STICKYBEARD_ or something!"

"And it wasn't even worth it," Hoagie grumbled. "I tried telling Numbuh 60 that the email we deleted was already_ read_ before we got to it!"

**end transmission**


End file.
